My Princess...Hear My Voice

So there is this book I have is so incredible and so breath taking at times that I honestly don’t know what to do with it other than saying “Thank You God!” It opens my eyes to things I always wanted to hear yet never knew where to find it in the bible and then one day in my daily devotional it is right there in front of me. Something I need to hear but also something  I want to hear.

For the past three weeks I have been battling with what I want to do major wise while I am here at APU. For some odd reason – which I will say is completely a God reason, my mind has been on Psychology and wondering if that is something that I in fact will have the passion I do for Nursing. It has scared me beyond my mind as I have told some of my friends about the possible change – and tell them “I am so nervous but honestly, I have this unbelievable amount of peace!” As my roommate Amy is now in the APU nursing program, she just started her rotation through the hospital and came home last week twice just gushing about all she had done. Most don’t understand but because I have been wanting to be a nurse for SO long, hearing anything she was doing, even when she was in class still learning about the beginnings of hospital work, I got so jealous. All semester so far I have had to struggle with it, though now as I am writing this I honestly have nothing better to say than I am so happy for her to be finally doing something she absolutely loves and that I am completely okay with it and that jealously factor in my life has gone. Yes I still want to be a nurse, I don’t think that part of me will ever actually leave me. But at this point I think all I need to do is what God wants me to do.

As I prepare myself to make that walk over to the Undergrad Registrars office I felt that I in a way needed to prepare for this big change happening in my life. So I sat and opened this little book I talked about earlier “His Princess, Love Letters from Your King,” and of course since last week was such a tough week I put this book away in need of having to focus on school work. Personally that kills me to say that and admit to myself and to God that yeah I put you behind material things in my life. But God has an interesting way of working – - when I do happen to skip a day or two…or three, when I do pick it up again it seems to be that the spot I left off is what I need to hear the most at that moment. That if I would have read it on the correct day without skipping, it might not have made that big of an impact on me. So today I open it up and it reads as follows….

My Princess, Hear my voice,

I am always here for you. I’m never too busy to talk to you, My beloved. If you will turn off the things

around you that drown out My voice, you will begin to hear Me in your spirit.  When you don’t know where

to go, you will hear Me give you divine direction. When you are in need of a friend, you wil hear Me whipser,

“I am here.”

When you need comfort, you will hear Me call to you,

“Come to Me.“

Don’t let the voice of your own uncertanties distract you from My still, small voice. Quiet your

spirit, and know that I am your Heavenly father and you are My precious daughter – and I love

when you listen to me.”

-Love, Your King and the Voice of heaven

Honestly I can’t grasp God sometimes – only because it is so outrageous how he works. But I honestly love it more than anything right now. He has honestly been my solid rock in the past couple weeks, even if I did sway away from Him for a couple days. I honestly believe it is because He does know my heart and He knew I was yearning for Him, even though my body and mind couldn’t make the time for Him. I think He really means it when He says, ‘I know your heart.’ (sorry I can’t come up with the reference =[ ).

Then I went ahead and the verse that Pastor Don mentioned for just a bit in church yesterday and I for some reason wrote it down. WHOAH. Philippians 3:12-4:1 – The title of that section in my bible is ‘Pressing on Toward the Goal.’ The part I loved the most in it was verse 13-14,

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God had called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

With changing my major the thought of having just in a way ‘tossed thousands of dollars out the window,’ frightens me and I just can’t believe it. And having not passed two classes for a major I was supposedly in LOVE with…all those things attack me as things I need to do over so I can say I got through it, or things I freak out wondering…”why couldn’t this have happened sooner so I didn’t have to ‘waste’ money??” It is all so incredibly tough, but like my college youth pastor Allen told me at lunch one day (for as much as I remember it being), “Why does any of that matter if God did something great for your life. If your relationship with Him grew closer and you now know what you want to do? God will always provide the money if you follow what he wants you to do.”

There is always a way with God. Always.